I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
