for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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