The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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