yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
