They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
