I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
