Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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