I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize