perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
