I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We left the knife in your bed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
