Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
