We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
