There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
