My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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