That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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