here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
