I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
