I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
