Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
