forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
