I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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