A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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