Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
