fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
3 2 1 whiskey
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
