I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
