your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
