Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
