Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize