I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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