Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
