didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
