On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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