and she was petting her beer can
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
