I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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