honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
