I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
