Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
