My room smells like vodka and shame
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's Friday. Sex?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
