And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
