you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
