Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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