i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
