is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
