it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
