OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
