Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize