So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
