get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
