He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize