He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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