2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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