You smell like stripper and shame
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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