Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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