We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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