she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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