he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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