Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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