What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
