my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize