So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
