guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
