I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
