u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
