Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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