A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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