i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
