He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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