So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
