It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
