not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
