You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
