Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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