Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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