hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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