So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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