You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
