Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
