my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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