I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
