talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
