Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
