my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
