I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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