Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
