Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
