I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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