I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
