this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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