If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
