the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize