Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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