omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't turn off my feet"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize