just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
