Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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