I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
