Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
vagina is talking i cant
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
