Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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