Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
