his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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