Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
