i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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