Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
