This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
