no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
