If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize