Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
