I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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