man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
