none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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