Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
